38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
