im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize