just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
