his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Holy sore nipples Batman
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
