Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm both gender and math confused
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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