Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
