Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
