Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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