Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
