I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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