bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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