Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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