I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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