I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
