Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
