you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
