i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
