I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
