I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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