She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize