I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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