Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize