Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
