Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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