Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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