I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED