He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway