literally had 100 drinks last night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
