someone threw a dead crab at me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's great music for shaving your balls
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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