There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
