I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
