waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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