Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
