I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
