PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
