ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
