I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
