You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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