i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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