Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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