What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
