Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
