is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
