You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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