I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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