I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
