I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
