i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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