I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
