im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
