Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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