I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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