I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
