she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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