So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
