I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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