you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
