It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
