Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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