I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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