Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There are leaves in my underwear?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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