I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
bring money and cleavage
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
