I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
