I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
