it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
