I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I believe in your delicious
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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