we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
