You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
