Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
