He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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