so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
home. puking in laundry basket.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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