I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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