i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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