im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
